Reminisces
by crazeblue27
Summary: It has been a yr after Sai disappear. Just a fanfic on his feelings towards it and how much he misses Sai. One-shot. Completed.


Reminisces 

_Note: As you all know, Hikaru no go belongs to Hotta Yumi and Obata Takeshi. This fanfic is just based on my thoughts and if there is any similarity to other fanfics of hng, it is purely coincidental.

* * *

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"I've lost," the opponent surrendered.

"Thanks for the guidance," both of them said and bowed as a sign of respect and courtesy.

Today is 5th May, a very important day for him. If not because Touya Akira was at his house, ensuring that he was present at the match, he believed he would skip this match. So, the other option was to play mercilessly, hoping to end the game as soon as possible. Looking at the clock, he still got half an hour to catch the train.

He was such in a rush that he did not notice Akira watching him left.

Shindo, what significance does this day held to you?

"I've lost."

Akira bowed and started to clear the stones on the board, not caring the look the opponent has on him before he left.

Akira could never forget this day. This was the day when he skipped all his matches last year. That is why he went to Shindo house, ensuring he attended his matches, not wanting history to repeat itself.

What actually happened on that day Shindo? He remembered when he went to Shindo's school to find out the reason for skipping all his matches, he saw Shindo lying on the table in the library. He saw the sadness, the deep hurt in Shindo's eyes, like he lost someone very important and precious to him and that had to be the cause on why he skipped his matches but Shindo did not give him any explanations, so that remained as a thought, an assumption.

Thankfully, Shindo did returned back and since then, he attended his matches regularly and was back to the old Shindo except with a slight change. Occasionally, he observed a very deep pain flashed in his eyes.

And till now, he still could not find out the reasons behind Shindo for not attending those matches.

* * *

Sai.

His teacher, his friend and his companion

Hikaru held the fan tightly, like it was some treasure.

Why did you disappear?

It had been one year and the hurt, the emptiness and loneliness he felt one year ago was still very fresh in him.

He would never forget Sai. Even if he could, he would not allow himself to and constantly reminded himself about Sai and those wonderful times they spent together.

Is there anything I could bring you back? Please tell me.

Sai, he was the reason for what he became today.

Without Sai, he would never play Go, would not meet Akira and would not be serious in anything at all. Without him, he would just continue his normal, typical student life, reading comics, struggling with his studies and playing sport.

He really missed Sai a lot, missed those times they shared together.

* * *

At Innoshima,

Honinbou Shuusaku's cemetery,

"Sai, where are you now? With Torajirou?" Hikaru smiled faintly with a hint of pain and sadness.

"I've just rose to a 2-dan and won the first round of the second preliminary of the Kisei match. Are you proud of me?"

Silence.

"I've been improving tremendously, do you know that? I believe you are watching me from above, guiding me and witness how my Go skills improve, right?" Hikaru continued despite not getting any response that he hoped for.

If only he bother to listen to Sai…

Sai did tell him numerous times about him going to disappear soon. He should be more concern about Sai sudden weird behaviour and not scolded him or treating it as some tantrums.

If only he was more sensitive…

No.

To be more exact…

If only he believe in Sai.

He never thought that day would come. He refused to think that Sai would leave him. He thought that Sai would stay with him forever, till the day he died. They would attain the Hand of God together, with Sai guiding him and accompanying him while he was carrying on his road of Go.

After Sai disappearance, he realized how ungrateful he was. He took Sai for granted. Now, he wanted Sai to return but that would never happen. Looking up at the sky, Hikaru sighed.

"I really miss you Sai, why? Why can't you return? Why you left? I'm so stupid, if only I willing to listen to you," Hikaru whispered to no one in particular, his voice filled with remorse.

Everything changed since then. He was not the same Shindo Hikaru anymore. The carefree, cheerful, innocent boy was gone. Now, he became matured, more calm and collected. His attitude towards Go also changed. No longer just chasing after Touya Akira, he also aimed for the Hand of God, the goal that Sai wanted to reach, the reason why he wandered in the Go board for 1000 over years. Since Sai's could not achieve it, he would do it, for the sake of Sai. Thus, towards Go, he became more serious than before. He kept on improving his skills, practicing Shuusaku's kifu, thinking Sai's step in every practices and kept on trying new tactics, testing and improving it to suit his advantages.

"I lost to Ko Yeong Ha during the Hokuto Cup by half a moku. I'm so sorry, for unable to protect your honor," Hikara sniffed, trying to prevent the tears from falling. He hated himself, angry with himself for being incapable to do such a simple thing for Sai. "The next Hokuto Cup, I will beat him and make sure he eat back all those words he once said," Hikaru assured firmly, showing his determination and his confidence.

"Do you know that the Go club members, they entered the same High School. Mitani also attended the practice session quite regularly but the only difference is that the school already had a Go club. They have an enjoyable time competing against the other members and their seniors. Some of them are quite strong too. Every week, whenever I free, I will go there to play some Shidougo, sometimes having a real competition. Watching them play reminds me of those day when I'm still in the Go club." Hikaru smiled and continued to tell Sai about his recent life, believing that Sai was somewhere, hearing him.

He missed those innocent days at Haze Junior High, where they were in the Go club, practicing and training their skills, hoping to defeat Kaiko. Sometimes, he thought if he did not enter the Insei entrance exam, did not become a professional player, Sai might be able to stay with him longer and maybe forever.

The sky turned darker and the sun began to set.

"I will come back and visit you again next year, Sai."

"Remember to wait for me, wait until I achieve the Hand of God," Hikaru smiled faintly.

Taking one last look, Hikaru walked away, his shadow reflecting his loneliness, his pain and sorrow.

He got to walk down that path alone as Sai was not with him anymore.

However, no matter how lonely he felt, he carried on because only by playing Go, he could feel Sai's presence, reminded himself that Sai was alive and felt himself being closer and connected to him.

Like what he told Akira, he would never give up on Go ever again.

* * *

Nothing unusual right? We all know Hikaru misses Sai and I really wish the author would continue but it is highly impossible. Sigh.

Just want to write a fanfic on Hikaru feelings towards Sai disappearance although I believe many fanfics out there also did write something along that line. D

Hope you all did enjoy the short fanfic.

Crazeblue27


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